Helping Children Build Confidence and Self-Esteem
Children and young people in foster care may take some time to build confidence and self-esteem. Challenging experiences in early life such as loss, separation and trauma can affect how children view themselves.
As a foster carer, you can play a vital role in helping children recognise their strengths, develop positive views of themselves, and feel valued.
Notice the Little Things
Confidence and progression isn’t always marked by a big achievement. Small everyday tasks such as getting ready for school, cooking, washing without reminder, trying a new activity making a friend, or opening up about how they feel can demonstrate a huge step forward.
Celebrate progress, no matter how small it seems.
Show children you have noticed their efforts and demonstrate you are proud of them. This kind of encouragement means more than you may know.
Instead of being focussed on the outcome, try saying:
‘You tried even when it was difficult.’
Help children to understand that you value them putting in effort and showing determination.
Provide Choices
Providing choices when appropriate can help children and young people feel more confident. Simple choices such as what to wear, what meal to have, what activity they would like to do, helps them to develop independence and understand their opinions matter.
Discovering Strengths
Every child has strengths, even if they struggle to recognise them themselves. Take the time to find out what a child or young person enjoys. This could be art, music, sports, cooking, reading, writing, etc. Encouraging children to explore hobbies and interests provides opportunities for them to develop new skills, make friends and experience success.
Genuine Praise
Positive feedback can make a real difference, but it must feel genuine.
Try to be specific with your praise:
- ‘You were really kind to your friend.’
- ‘You worked very hard on that project.’
- ‘You said you were nervous, but you tried your best.’
Help Children Through Setbacks
Experiencing disappointment is a part of life. Children with low self-esteem may see setbacks as proof that they are incapable of doing something. It is important to help them understand making mistakes is part of learning. Focus on what they learned and what they could try next time.
Consistency
One of the most powerful things a carer can do is be consistent.
Listening, being supportive, keeping routines, and following through with your actions will help children to develop trust and security. Overtime, this will ensure a child understands they are valued and that you believe in them.
Confidence takes time. There may be days when a child feels confidence and others when they struggle.
Keep encouraging them, recognise their progress and avoid comparison with other children.
Sometimes the most important message a child can hear is ‘I believe in you, and I am here to help.’
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